i just had sex bonerless
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
