yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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