The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
