I need help removing her.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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