In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
