remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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