Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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