chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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