I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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