my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
