Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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