1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
