I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
