Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
