i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Life is so much better after having sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
