would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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