Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
