i think my tv is drunk
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I seem to have left my pride at pride
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
