I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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