Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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