I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
