When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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