is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
