I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
