just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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