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I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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