When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
