For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
