I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
