Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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