I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
