i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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