Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
