i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
