Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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