do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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