This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize