Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
