so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
