Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
