did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize