i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
