the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
