I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
