she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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