Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize