with your own penis?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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