I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
