I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
