Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
