apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
