A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am available for nakedness
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
