Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
