i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
