This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
