The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
