i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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