I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
