The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
