when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
