If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
