i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize