I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
