You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
