Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
