if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
