Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
