Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
