mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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