Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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