peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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