I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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