do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
