I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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