Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You had me at "let me see your balls"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
