I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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