I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
