i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
