WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
