Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
