I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
