did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
