He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize