My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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