Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
