the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
