So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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