Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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