So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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