Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
