it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
