can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
