I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
