It's Friday. Sex?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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