I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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