also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
