This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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