i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
