one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
