After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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