he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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