I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
