I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
