Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
