dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
