What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
