WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
