She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
