we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize