why didn't you poke me back
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
