You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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