Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
